‘I am not good enough for my dad to take me on a trip’
This is the belief I created about myself at the age of 8.
I remember being so excited for my dad to finally take me on a trip – something that I don’t recall ever happening before.
I remember the day when he came to pick me up and I got into the car to see another child sitting at the back seat along with a woman I had never met before at the front.
Turned out my dad was dating someone who had a kid – I just…I had no idea.
You see – it was a nice concept.
There was a positive intention behind it.
I was supposed to have a good time.
But the sense I made of it was that I wasn’t enough the way I was because a trip like this with just me and him had never taken place before.
So…there must have been something wrong with me.
And I couldn’t help but think…
Would he have even taken me on this trip if this other child wasn’t there?
You see, it’s a combination of:
• I’m not good enough the way I am
• I don’t deserve things I want
• I am not lovable just as I am
Combination of beliefs that I have taken with me until today.
I remember when I organised a birthday trip to Lake District for my then boyfriend…
Just to find out a week later he told another girl that he visited the place on his own…ouch.
Regardless of what he meant…
All those beliefs I created about myself when I was little got reinforced right there.
Moving forward I would freak out every time a guy would mention going on a trip together.
I would also find myself taking a step back every time things would be going surprisingly well…
Because deep down I didn’t really believe I deserved them all.
On paper – I believed in myself wholeheartedly.
Deep down – I spent almost 31 years of my life believing what a 8yo me decided to be true.
You know what?
You hear me talk a lot about the importance of getting clear on who you are.
And beliefs we built about ourselves back when we were kids are big part of it.
You know why?
Because dreaming big is never enough…
If you don’t believe that you deserve all those big things.
And as emotional as the journey of uncovering it all may be…
You’re very likely to end up in this place where you understand that you are, in fact, more than enough.
And then all those trips
All the big things you’ve always wanted
Somehow start looking a little bit more real.
Do you actually believe you deserve what you want?
I didn’t, but I do now.
And so can you.
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